Hey Friends- I found this prayer update letter from when I was in Colorado... I felt inspired to re-share it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to -but I'm going for it anyway- I hope you enjoy it!
March 12, 2009
It's been a while....
Hello friends! It's been a while since I have updated you all. I am currently sitting on my back balcony, listening to Jason Upton's song Beyond the Window, the wind chimes creating sparkling notes in the breeze above my head, and the blinds of the sliding door behind me catching the wind and slapping together. The sky ahead is bright but filled with springy overcast and the traffic has a peaceful rhythm passed the apartment complex (I cannot see the cars, however, due to a fancy beige cement wall covering up all the "ugliness"...[whose ugliness? ours or theirs? I shan't ever know] how creative we are here in the US of A)
Anyways, that is the setting. In class today we did skits on the role of women and men. They were all hilarious! Our group, being a bunch of avid Friends fans creating a scene from the show that perfectly replicated the characters. We thought it was hillarious! But, as we presented, judging by the audience's lack of understanding at some key points, we became aware that all of the avid viewers were in our group and we were the only one's that got the punch lines. Not good for a grade or for one's self esteem, but so much fun and a great memory.
What is God doing? God is bringing me back to a first love. He is reminding me what it is to truly delight in Him! My sister spoke over me a few months before I came out here; it was a prayer that this time out would be a sabbath for my soul, and that I would truly get to know the man Jesus, as if I was sitting with Him in a coffee shop [back to 2011 for a minute: one of the coolest moments of my life was around the time of this entry- this prayer was answered]. Some feel that coffee shops, hot-dog stands, and traffic lights are too informal of settings to envision ourselves meeting with our Savior, and I understand that point on the matter of valuing His holiness. However, I believe that understanding that God is relationship... a relationship that includes us (His kids), intimately, just the way we are... is crucial to helping us understand the grace of God and the role that we play here on la terre.
Inspirational Thoughts for the day:
Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness. (Phil 2)
It continues to say that He humbled himself, and was obedient, even to death on a cross... God does not have a relational aspect of Himself, He is a relationship simply by existing (three parts... read The Shack a sweet depiction of such a phenomenon), and wants us to be equal heirs in Christ and literally participate in the relationship that He has with....Jesus...Himself... crazy! Christ became our righteousness, so we now have a seat at the cool-kids table! We are IN! WHAT?! Why? I am a total mess of a person, can't get disciplined, I read slow, I am not as bad at being punctual as times in the past...but I am not good at it either, and the list could go on and on... but amazingly, Christ became perfect so that we could show up to the party(heaven) and show His invitation to the bouncer. I know that is a ghetto analogy, but we literally get to wear His name tag when it comes to having authority to do miracles, and also to love. It is a blessing and a big responsibility; we are His hands and feet- I need to do a better job of looking like Him.
I am becoming more and more aware, that just being the "perfect church kid" was not what Paul had in mind when he said we should be imitators of Christ. I think it looks a whole lot different than what we might want to believe... Pray about that; ask the Holy Spirit to show you who Jesus, the man Jesus really is. I could say somethings that I've been wondering, but I'd rather you ask for yourself. Maybe you could grab a cup of coffee with Him and talk a while. See what He likes, what He sounds like, what makes Him laugh, what breaks His heart... It is my prayer that He would answer your request and meet with you. I know that He will answer it because He came so that we could do just that.
Do you think that God is too proud to meet with us in a coffeeshop? For real? Well, He is Holier and Greater than anything you can imagine. Think of Isaiah when he saw God, did he feel like ordering a latte? Um...heck no:
“ Woe is me, for I am undone!
Because I am a man of unclean lips,
And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips;
For my eyes have seen the King,
The LORD of hosts.”
The closer he got to God and the more he saw of Him, the more unclean He realized He was. So, I'm not suggesting that there won't be times when we feel as big as plankton and realized how unclean we are in light of God, but in light of that, we don't want to lose sight of the Jesus that humbled himself and became like us, so He could relate to us. Even though He is the holiest, He is also humility in the flesh. It's a paradox, but truth. He came and washed our feet. Humility isn't something God choses to do... He IS humble, it's where we get the idea from in the first place. God hates pride because it's the opposite of Him. It's just not God... just like lying or being unkind or unloving...not God. God stoops down to the lowly, brings in the left out people, takes care of widows and orphans.... all the time. So, I feel like He wouldn' mind meeting me or you at a coffee shop. I want to be His best friend... and this whole "back to first love" thing is really making me aware of that opportunity. Also, to realize that Jesus has been there for my whole life, was there for my whole life story and wrote it before I lived -He knows me so well. He knows when I sit down, when I take a nap, my habits and my quirks and my favorite shows. He knows when I'm happy, when I am crying. Think about those people in your life, that can predict you from the kind of sugar you put in your coffee to the way you will react in certain social situations--- That guy is Jesus. For real. Think about it. Breathe that in! Now go! Go out for coffee! Get out of here! Look into the eyes of the living and breathing man that bled for you!
I love you all so much!
Thanks for your prayers.
Pray for me today or right now if you have a second! I need it!!!!!
I will send an addtional email with some pictures from recent events and links to some videos.
Jessy
PS- What can wash away our sin, what can make us WHOLE again? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing but the blood of Jesus. So quit waiting on earthly things or "tomorrows" to bring that whole feeling.. then they become idols. Just save time and heartache and look to Jesus!
-------------------------------------------------
There ya have it.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
A Renewal of Hope: Questioning God's Goodness
What happens in times of life when disappointment and pain hit us in the gut and knock the wind out of us like a dodgeball on the elementary playground, is a paradigm shift. Us young bucks would say "Boom- Roasted". Paradigm- explosion. And for me, the past few years of my life were a bite out of life that didn't taste as I had expected. This altered my view of myself, but most unnervingly my view of God. Can He be trusted? Is He good? This whole Jesus thing is no longer, "walk perfectly and get what you want", but it's take what ever He gives you with open hands, wild flowers in open fields grace, and dodgeball-to-the-gut grace. But how to see all of this as grace is not a question easily answered.
Take the parable of the Prodigal Son (ideas provoked by The Prodigal God by:Tim Keller, another great book recommendation) for instance. What dodge ball to the gut grace does to the church-raised-good-set-an-example-be-a-mentor-sing-church-songs-pastors-kid-girl is tells her that being the older brother in that story, doing everything right, doesn't always get you what you want. The fatted calf wasn't cooked up for the goody two-shoes. And being the younger brother isn't quite the right approach either "It's something else all together (Keller)" Dodgeball grace tells her that God's grace is sufficient at all times yet, made perfect in her weakness. It tells her that she wasn't the one deciding if she stands or falls, and that she isn't the foundation beneath her feet. Her faith isn't the foundation, her knowing what she believes isn't the foundation, her knowing what she is good at and where she's headed isn't the foundation.... and her being happy with God is certainly not either.
In Peter Scazzero's Emotionally Healthy Church he says at one point in his life "I thanked God for the gift of depression". Listening to this audiobook on a run one day I stopped dead in my tracks. The gift?! A small flame of anger shot up inside me, as I found my self looking back on what had been the previous year of fighting such a battle, or "gift", excuse me. But it wasn't long before the awareness of truth covered my senses like blankets of sunlight and expanded my lungs like the breeze... Wow... I thought, it really is a gift. Were it not for such times, I wouldn't have seen how much in need of the grace of God I truly am... I would not have been forced to lean on Him as my only Love, my only Strength, and my only Hope. I also received eyes of compassion for the hurting, they were no longer "those people" ---they were me. He was allowing me to be weak- drawing me to Himself---what could be more valuable than closer proximity? If that's what it took, it was worth it.
However, just like the human I am, after a few more dodge balls and disappointments, I have been left frustrated at God and frustrated at my image of Him... I want so badly to learn who He is. I believe that He is good... I think .... because He says so.... but for all I know, in God-speak, "good" could just be "mean"... haha. Do you ever feel that way? "I know you're good, but what does that mean? Why are You so mean to me?!"
Asking the Lord these questions, coming to grips with His trustworthiness and goodness, He has been taking me back- back to places of pain in my mind and heart--- and see them for what they are--- so that I don't always associate Him with pain or what feels like punishment (I'm telling you, read The Anatomy of the Soul by:Curt Thompson if u need brain re-wiring, i'm still workin on it.). And I'm slowly regaining conscious trust in Him through the process.
The Bible says "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!", would he give me a stone when I asked for bread? Uhhhh. These words stung my heart- because I wasn't sure I trusted Him to do follow through, and if He were to do so- "Good" has meant "ouch" for a while now, so why would I want more of that--- would "good" ever feel good again??? (Lk 11:13)
So here I am today, and what does all of this have to do with anything? It has to do with me believing that after I have suffered a little while, He Himself will restore me (1 Peter 5:10) and that the righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them and He delivers them from all their troubles (Ps 34:17).
When I was dreaming about taking a much needed mini-sobatical, a sabbath for the soul, quitting everything ---- I asked that the Lord would fund such a time. I prayed that He would make it financially feasible to change my life for ever by reorienting myself to Him, learning who He is and who I am, taking a breath and letting Him restore me. Not quite believing that "good" always feels good, or that God and I would ever ever agree on what the word "good" actually means (God:"Wow this mac and cheese is good!" Me:"Dude, it tastes like feet." God:"Exactly!"<That's how it felt for a while), I wasn't sure where this prayer would go, but I figured it was worth asking.
When I prayed this (at the dish sink in the back room of Paoli Starbucks) I felt a small increase in the faith tank of my heart--- He might just do that... And when it came time to walk into this much needed empty... I walked with full confidence that He would. And He has, step by step, been placing it on hearts- without me saying a word. Not just money either, other things I needed as well. And yet, in the past few days some decisions have come up that I can't make until I know how much "funding" He is actually going to do. So, TODAY I asked the Lord to show me today what He was planning on doing so that I could prioritize, and make some choices----doubts crept in. I tried to squash them. I had a sense in my heart that I could just keep doing what I needed, and take this break for all that it could be--- not worrying about the money.
My mom called today from work, before she got a chance to bring up money, I mentioned that I am trying to be careful and make good choices, I know I am supposed to be taking a break- but maybe God will want me to work if I am to do all of this small trips and things I have been wanting to do... Then, in answer to my prayer... she told me that God had provided some support through someone already--- TODAY!!!!! WHATTTTTT!!!!!!! I got all clammy and started to cry- the realization that He straight up heard my prayer and answered it. Confirming that He wants me here, and that He is ordering my steps. No one, no doubt, nothing can take that away from me.
He is here. Sweeping me up in good by force.
And I might say, good feels good again...at least for today.
Take the parable of the Prodigal Son (ideas provoked by The Prodigal God by:Tim Keller, another great book recommendation) for instance. What dodge ball to the gut grace does to the church-raised-good-set-an-example-be-a-mentor-sing-church-songs-pastors-kid-girl is tells her that being the older brother in that story, doing everything right, doesn't always get you what you want. The fatted calf wasn't cooked up for the goody two-shoes. And being the younger brother isn't quite the right approach either "It's something else all together (Keller)" Dodgeball grace tells her that God's grace is sufficient at all times yet, made perfect in her weakness. It tells her that she wasn't the one deciding if she stands or falls, and that she isn't the foundation beneath her feet. Her faith isn't the foundation, her knowing what she believes isn't the foundation, her knowing what she is good at and where she's headed isn't the foundation.... and her being happy with God is certainly not either.
In Peter Scazzero's Emotionally Healthy Church he says at one point in his life "I thanked God for the gift of depression". Listening to this audiobook on a run one day I stopped dead in my tracks. The gift?! A small flame of anger shot up inside me, as I found my self looking back on what had been the previous year of fighting such a battle, or "gift", excuse me. But it wasn't long before the awareness of truth covered my senses like blankets of sunlight and expanded my lungs like the breeze... Wow... I thought, it really is a gift. Were it not for such times, I wouldn't have seen how much in need of the grace of God I truly am... I would not have been forced to lean on Him as my only Love, my only Strength, and my only Hope. I also received eyes of compassion for the hurting, they were no longer "those people" ---they were me. He was allowing me to be weak- drawing me to Himself---what could be more valuable than closer proximity? If that's what it took, it was worth it.
However, just like the human I am, after a few more dodge balls and disappointments, I have been left frustrated at God and frustrated at my image of Him... I want so badly to learn who He is. I believe that He is good... I think .... because He says so.... but for all I know, in God-speak, "good" could just be "mean"... haha. Do you ever feel that way? "I know you're good, but what does that mean? Why are You so mean to me?!"
Asking the Lord these questions, coming to grips with His trustworthiness and goodness, He has been taking me back- back to places of pain in my mind and heart--- and see them for what they are--- so that I don't always associate Him with pain or what feels like punishment (I'm telling you, read The Anatomy of the Soul by:Curt Thompson if u need brain re-wiring, i'm still workin on it.). And I'm slowly regaining conscious trust in Him through the process.
The Bible says "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!", would he give me a stone when I asked for bread? Uhhhh. These words stung my heart- because I wasn't sure I trusted Him to do follow through, and if He were to do so- "Good" has meant "ouch" for a while now, so why would I want more of that--- would "good" ever feel good again??? (Lk 11:13)
So here I am today, and what does all of this have to do with anything? It has to do with me believing that after I have suffered a little while, He Himself will restore me (1 Peter 5:10) and that the righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them and He delivers them from all their troubles (Ps 34:17).
When I was dreaming about taking a much needed mini-sobatical, a sabbath for the soul, quitting everything ---- I asked that the Lord would fund such a time. I prayed that He would make it financially feasible to change my life for ever by reorienting myself to Him, learning who He is and who I am, taking a breath and letting Him restore me. Not quite believing that "good" always feels good, or that God and I would ever ever agree on what the word "good" actually means (God:"Wow this mac and cheese is good!" Me:"Dude, it tastes like feet." God:"Exactly!"<That's how it felt for a while), I wasn't sure where this prayer would go, but I figured it was worth asking.
When I prayed this (at the dish sink in the back room of Paoli Starbucks) I felt a small increase in the faith tank of my heart--- He might just do that... And when it came time to walk into this much needed empty... I walked with full confidence that He would. And He has, step by step, been placing it on hearts- without me saying a word. Not just money either, other things I needed as well. And yet, in the past few days some decisions have come up that I can't make until I know how much "funding" He is actually going to do. So, TODAY I asked the Lord to show me today what He was planning on doing so that I could prioritize, and make some choices----doubts crept in. I tried to squash them. I had a sense in my heart that I could just keep doing what I needed, and take this break for all that it could be--- not worrying about the money.
My mom called today from work, before she got a chance to bring up money, I mentioned that I am trying to be careful and make good choices, I know I am supposed to be taking a break- but maybe God will want me to work if I am to do all of this small trips and things I have been wanting to do... Then, in answer to my prayer... she told me that God had provided some support through someone already--- TODAY!!!!! WHATTTTTT!!!!!!! I got all clammy and started to cry- the realization that He straight up heard my prayer and answered it. Confirming that He wants me here, and that He is ordering my steps. No one, no doubt, nothing can take that away from me.
He is here. Sweeping me up in good by force.
And I might say, good feels good again...at least for today.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Grateful Dead and Incense... I mean hotdogs.
Socially awkward, walking around feeling slightly inept at any interactions- even my own with the sidewalk- never mind running into people I know; It's a Sunday morning in Towson. Enjoying the outdoor cafe table, Italian music, latte and a friendly waitress, reading an amazing book- ( The Anatomy of the Soul by: Curt Thompson! more on that later, I'm sure.) However, I'm still gathering clutter in my mind. Problems I cannot yet solve, and questions I cannot yet answer, stresses I can't seem to brush off. Breathing tries to pick up, I'm too slick for that; a few breathing exercises and peaceful thoughts and we're good. About to drive home, and I just don't want to, nothing wrong with being home but I just felt so blah.
Sent a text to a good friend (how nicely I just avoided that strange word- texted.), asking her what she was up to. "OMG... come with me, you'll love what I have to do today" I shook my head, and laughed. this could be anything. Knowing Kate, it's something creative.
Creative is just the beginning of the glorious afternoon we proceeded to share.
I got to her apartment and finished her chili's leftovers before our departure. A little bit timid, not sure what kind of people we were going be meeting, I followed her down to her car.
We arrived. My eyes beheld the following: A green tenty-thing over a picnic table, a few fold-out chairs. two grills, meat cooking (deep breath -yum), mustaches and tattoos to the max, oh the delight. Adjacent to the happy sight was one that made the whole picture even happier. A WV van, the top popped up, and the tailgate set up with more yummeroonies. Here's the kicker: the entire van was painted white. Not white like the paintjob... white like primer. That's right, the van was the canvas for these two painters, and a few others. The family was gathering for a cookout and a collective expression of color and form all over this fantastic traveling hotel.
There were like 6 places to sleep in this little thing. Upon sitting in the van and learning all about the hidden hammocks and beds and stuff - I told Kate "I think I just found my calling!" Hahaha. We proceeded to spend the rest of the day painting our side of the bus. It looked amazing. It was a blast.
The cool thing is -this is going to sound kind of sappy, but a few weeks ago I asked that God would give me an art therapist, or art therapy in my break time. For free. And I just now realized I got a sort of answer to that prayer. It's really hard to stress about stuff when you are listening to Grateful Dead and other assorted hippie music, painting your heart out, and laughing with an old buddy. Tension just kind of melted away, awkwardness and all (now that's gotta be supernatural! haha)
And---- I got to meet such wonderful people and they gave me yummy food, lots of water, and hugs. I think Jesus hangs out here.
Sent a text to a good friend (how nicely I just avoided that strange word- texted.), asking her what she was up to. "OMG... come with me, you'll love what I have to do today" I shook my head, and laughed. this could be anything. Knowing Kate, it's something creative.
Creative is just the beginning of the glorious afternoon we proceeded to share.
I got to her apartment and finished her chili's leftovers before our departure. A little bit timid, not sure what kind of people we were going be meeting, I followed her down to her car.
We arrived. My eyes beheld the following: A green tenty-thing over a picnic table, a few fold-out chairs. two grills, meat cooking (deep breath -yum), mustaches and tattoos to the max, oh the delight. Adjacent to the happy sight was one that made the whole picture even happier. A WV van, the top popped up, and the tailgate set up with more yummeroonies. Here's the kicker: the entire van was painted white. Not white like the paintjob... white like primer. That's right, the van was the canvas for these two painters, and a few others. The family was gathering for a cookout and a collective expression of color and form all over this fantastic traveling hotel.
There were like 6 places to sleep in this little thing. Upon sitting in the van and learning all about the hidden hammocks and beds and stuff - I told Kate "I think I just found my calling!" Hahaha. We proceeded to spend the rest of the day painting our side of the bus. It looked amazing. It was a blast.
The cool thing is -this is going to sound kind of sappy, but a few weeks ago I asked that God would give me an art therapist, or art therapy in my break time. For free. And I just now realized I got a sort of answer to that prayer. It's really hard to stress about stuff when you are listening to Grateful Dead and other assorted hippie music, painting your heart out, and laughing with an old buddy. Tension just kind of melted away, awkwardness and all (now that's gotta be supernatural! haha)
Friday, May 20, 2011
Packing and Moving
Trying to keep everyone in the loop. I am currently packing and moving stuff back to baltimore. It's crazy how much more stuff I'm running into that I don't need, even after the purge of the unecessary. I am keeping books, and art supplies. I love old books- packing them is bringing me much joy- and packing art supplies inspires me with occasional ideas.
Other than that, I have never been the best at focusing, hence the blogging...
Ask my mom, when ever we were packing for vacation, as a child, someone would have to sit on my bed and talk to me so I could focus and get stuff done. OR send periodical checks up to my room to make sure I hadn't begun drawing maps of invisible worlds or started looking through old picture books- so when I'm moving, the possibilities for distraction, remeniscing, and re-reading good books are endless!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Wish me luck , I move it all home tomorrow!
Other than that, I have never been the best at focusing, hence the blogging...
Ask my mom, when ever we were packing for vacation, as a child, someone would have to sit on my bed and talk to me so I could focus and get stuff done. OR send periodical checks up to my room to make sure I hadn't begun drawing maps of invisible worlds or started looking through old picture books- so when I'm moving, the possibilities for distraction, remeniscing, and re-reading good books are endless!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Wish me luck , I move it all home tomorrow!
Battle Worn
An unexpected twist in the progression of entries, when I woke up with a vivid image in my mind of my current state: tired.
I fell asleep to the end of The Chronicles of Narnia last night. I love the books that I have read and the movies (except for Prince Caspian, which is exceptionally lame in my opinion) I really like! I'm just going to put it out there now, that nothing....nothing gets my heart like a walk through Narnia weather by book or screen. The ideas in Narnia of who God is and how we relate to him, how we heal others, and how sacrifice and Truth all work together, strike a chord in my heart. It's a chord so deep in me -the chord that resonates a painful and hesitant hope---that all of this might be true. Now that I am typing that idea, I remember it was one of CS Lewis' original intentions in his use of children's literature- tapping into our childlike imagination -in order to bring out the terrifying reality that all we hope to be real, might just be. With those images fresh in my mind, upon waking I saw myself in a vivid image, able to put to pictures what the word "tired" just was not encompassing.
For the past few months, I would wake up tired. Lay in my bed and not get out until I could convince myself by prayer, pep talking, and scheduling of eating and breathing between responsibilities, that I could get it all done. Years of running and running and running have left me in need of collecting months worth of Sabbaths. I have tried to observe faithfully the Sabbath in the past years, I truly love that day. However, all of my years of busyness have not been just physical, but something in my mind and soul that is refusing to rest- leaving me in need of a larger dose of psychological sabbath than I could have imagined.
To bring you up to speed: Basically, last year I was working three jobs, helping out with youth, and I was a small group leader. The overbooked schedule caught up to me. Then, I moved to lower my expenses and start art classes, I moved in with a wonderful family who takes great care of me as part of their own! And, I was working alot at Starbucks and taking classes, my commutes were much longer than ideal, and work alot more strenuous; I was so so tired. Through many great conversations and some soul-searching, I discovered that that weariness was over scheduling, yes, but more so a mental battle. Always fighting to have the right answer, to keep busy and not feel alone. That's about as deep in that pond as we will swim today, however, that's the sum of it. So, with my job taxing my mind and driving me crazy as well, I could sense I wanted to do other things, I was just too afraid. So, with prospects of a summer job on a farm out in the boonies- and the confidence that if God was indeed BEGGING me to slow down, and simplify (which he was through my tiredness, and many other things)-that He would provide for the small space in between, I put in my 2 (3) weeks and finished up my classes as well.
I had been desiring, day dreaming about, and longing for a mini-sabbatical in increasing amounts for months leading up to this decision. So I took it. And, with confidence that God would provide, He has. And that should bring us to where we are in the story.
This morning, with Starbucks and classes behind me, in my teenage bedroom in baltimore, and a wide open space to breathe, I saw myself at Aslan's camp (O my gosh, Jessy is such a nerd! How does she still have friends?!?!), a girl-soldier in the army, who had returned weeks after everyone from the most recent battle (Oh, the epic drama!!!!haha) I had been fighting the battle of survival, trying to get back to camp where the army was... Then I returned, there I was dirty, hungry, and ill, left with no fight in me -collapsed in a heap at the door of Aslan's tent. Waiting for Him.
This mental battle has brought up many interesting and hard questions about my view of God, myself, and my relationship to Him. The wonderful fact is that His truth runs a whole lot deeper than even my ability to cognize it, thank Him. How deep and valiant His grace, that I might be able to stumble upon his perimeter in all of my doubt and beg Him for truth to be brought to light in my confused and tired mind. I know He will. The uncertainty of what God has for us can make our hearts afraid and un-trusting, but my dear Friends, He is always good. Always. I am not yet sure what this means in many circumstances, but I know that it is true. And, I know that Jesus said "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." The Psalmist said, "He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters, and He restores my soul"(Ps 23), The book of Peter says "After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you." (1Peter5:10)
So, with confidence and gratefulness I let my weary self be placed at his feet, the door of His tent, as I wait and trust for strength, and restoration in this time of rest...This is His promise.
So come to Him all you who are weary, find rest.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
disclaimer :)
I am not suggesting that simplifying means for everyone quitting one's job. It just meant that for me.
and also, the big picture is a house I saw out in Silver Cliff, Colorado. They are living a simple life from what I could tell... This picture doesn't do the sight justice, but speaks of simpler times and dreams... and I just think it's wonderful.
and also, the big picture is a house I saw out in Silver Cliff, Colorado. They are living a simple life from what I could tell... This picture doesn't do the sight justice, but speaks of simpler times and dreams... and I just think it's wonderful.
"Ok, Let me 'Splain" the Blog
Spring
Spring happens. Despite winter's fierce, relentless attempt to convince us its weight is stronger than the turning of the earth -it is pushed out of the way. Forced to let go -retreating in response to the meek, warm entry of change. Winter looms, and threatens -and no matter what, spring comes. The ice begins to melt and flowers fill the air with wonderful smells and birds sing whether you’re ready or not. Before it's all the way warm, the birds chant SPRINGiscomingspringISCOMINGSpriNGisCOMING --- if you're anything like me, the welcome of spring comes with a little bit of disbelief. Could it be here already? I'm sure it'll get cold again for a bit. We have been waiting for this for an ever! -Then hope--- I hope it really really is spring.
I tend to be very personally invested in the changing of the seasons [all four of them], something new is always beginning or something old is coming to an end. It also seems to be how God speaks to me, through nature (freakin hippie!) among many things, and through the seasons. I love the cozy, I love the snow, I love coffee shops in a sweater, I love Thanksgiving in CT, and Christmas at home more than I can describe. But when winter becomes a weight, a deadness, a weariness, -towards February I'm ready for it to be done. Then it happens. The sun politely enters, not saying a word, and what seemed to be so suppressive -submits; warmth is boss now.
This year, simultaneous with the coming of spring and summer, God is challenging me to simplify -to be purposeful about ridding myself of excess. Just like spring gently ushers out the heaviness of winter, I am attempting to "usher" out anything that weighs me down. O. My. Gosh. This is not easy. And I am no expert. But it already feels kind of like an awsome idea. Hence, not my idea.
The Break Down:
It all makes so much sense: Jesus taught us to quit storing up our material things here on earth, and persue things that last a little longer. To give up on worrying about what were are going to wear, or what we are going to eat and focus on pursuing His "Kingdom" (Matt 6). -His kingdom is joy, peace, and righteousness (Romans 14:17). This just means, caring about what Jesus cares about first, and trusting that God knows what we need and will provide it. It's a scary challenge. But exciting!
This simplicity must be material, mental, spiritual and emotional. Overwhelmed by the thought? I have been thinking of it this way. How much more mobile will I be, to go wherever God leads me, if I'm not weighed down by excess boxes? How much more willing will I be to give to those in need, if I don't hold on to my own money and stuff too tightly (matt 6:19-20), learning the joy of giving? How much more present and free will I be to do my best in the moment (Ecc 9:10; Col 3:23), when I am not distracted by the past or the future? How much more can I help others heal when I myself have experienced healing (2 Cor 1:4)-by letting go? How much more can I experience God when I remove the ideas I have fasley attached to Him over the years? And how many more sentences can I start with the words How Much?! haha.
Simplify? Ok... where do I start? So the first thing was my schedule. I have always been the busiest of my friends, and as result, the most increasingly tired and worn out. I've been this way since high school, however the tired part didn't catch up to me until more recently. So, as a result of this challenge, I literally started from scratch, quit my job, wrapped up my classes and planned a break (simplicity also involves embracing rest... not always easy at first). The second thing was getting rid of all the clothes I don't wear, and stuff I don't need. These steps accompany the emotional and mental simplicity as well. I want to share first about the tangible stuff. Each of these things is its own process, coming in pieces, running miles deep into my heart.
This is what this blog is about: my imperfect "Yes" to "Simplify.", telling you the stories (some hilarious), and sharing the analogies I find behind this entire process (or cocoon, as Del Tackett, one of my Focus professors calls it) and bringing you along as it continues. This could honestly be a lifetime endeavor. I will share random thoughts and ideas long the way as well. I am learning alot, and many upon hearing my adventurous summer plans (Minnesotan organic dairy farm?! --if the Lord wills :), asked that I share stories. I feel like there will be alot to share as I learn these lessons. Welcome to my life blog.
I'm posting because I hope that you will be as blessed and as challenged by this process as I am, and I love writing. My not so hidden ulterior motive is support and accountability....and fun! :)
Spring happens. Despite winter's fierce, relentless attempt to convince us its weight is stronger than the turning of the earth -it is pushed out of the way. Forced to let go -retreating in response to the meek, warm entry of change. Winter looms, and threatens -and no matter what, spring comes. The ice begins to melt and flowers fill the air with wonderful smells and birds sing whether you’re ready or not. Before it's all the way warm, the birds chant SPRINGiscomingspringISCOMINGSpriNGisCOMING --- if you're anything like me, the welcome of spring comes with a little bit of disbelief. Could it be here already? I'm sure it'll get cold again for a bit. We have been waiting for this for an ever! -Then hope--- I hope it really really is spring.
I tend to be very personally invested in the changing of the seasons [all four of them], something new is always beginning or something old is coming to an end. It also seems to be how God speaks to me, through nature (freakin hippie!) among many things, and through the seasons. I love the cozy, I love the snow, I love coffee shops in a sweater, I love Thanksgiving in CT, and Christmas at home more than I can describe. But when winter becomes a weight, a deadness, a weariness, -towards February I'm ready for it to be done. Then it happens. The sun politely enters, not saying a word, and what seemed to be so suppressive -submits; warmth is boss now.
This year, simultaneous with the coming of spring and summer, God is challenging me to simplify -to be purposeful about ridding myself of excess. Just like spring gently ushers out the heaviness of winter, I am attempting to "usher" out anything that weighs me down. O. My. Gosh. This is not easy. And I am no expert. But it already feels kind of like an awsome idea. Hence, not my idea.
The Break Down:
It all makes so much sense: Jesus taught us to quit storing up our material things here on earth, and persue things that last a little longer. To give up on worrying about what were are going to wear, or what we are going to eat and focus on pursuing His "Kingdom" (Matt 6). -His kingdom is joy, peace, and righteousness (Romans 14:17). This just means, caring about what Jesus cares about first, and trusting that God knows what we need and will provide it. It's a scary challenge. But exciting!
This simplicity must be material, mental, spiritual and emotional. Overwhelmed by the thought? I have been thinking of it this way. How much more mobile will I be, to go wherever God leads me, if I'm not weighed down by excess boxes? How much more willing will I be to give to those in need, if I don't hold on to my own money and stuff too tightly (matt 6:19-20), learning the joy of giving? How much more present and free will I be to do my best in the moment (Ecc 9:10; Col 3:23), when I am not distracted by the past or the future? How much more can I help others heal when I myself have experienced healing (2 Cor 1:4)-by letting go? How much more can I experience God when I remove the ideas I have fasley attached to Him over the years? And how many more sentences can I start with the words How Much?! haha.
Simplify? Ok... where do I start? So the first thing was my schedule. I have always been the busiest of my friends, and as result, the most increasingly tired and worn out. I've been this way since high school, however the tired part didn't catch up to me until more recently. So, as a result of this challenge, I literally started from scratch, quit my job, wrapped up my classes and planned a break (simplicity also involves embracing rest... not always easy at first). The second thing was getting rid of all the clothes I don't wear, and stuff I don't need. These steps accompany the emotional and mental simplicity as well. I want to share first about the tangible stuff. Each of these things is its own process, coming in pieces, running miles deep into my heart.
This is what this blog is about: my imperfect "Yes" to "Simplify.", telling you the stories (some hilarious), and sharing the analogies I find behind this entire process (or cocoon, as Del Tackett, one of my Focus professors calls it) and bringing you along as it continues. This could honestly be a lifetime endeavor. I will share random thoughts and ideas long the way as well. I am learning alot, and many upon hearing my adventurous summer plans (Minnesotan organic dairy farm?! --if the Lord wills :), asked that I share stories. I feel like there will be alot to share as I learn these lessons. Welcome to my life blog.
I'm posting because I hope that you will be as blessed and as challenged by this process as I am, and I love writing. My not so hidden ulterior motive is support and accountability....and fun! :)
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