More On Gifts

A couple of days after I wrote the previous blog entry, I came across friends, and phone calls that touched on this issue as well. Many conversations about wanting to use our talents, giving over talents we have been "sitting on" for selfish reasons, etc. It's been awesome.

I did talk to one very good friend of mine, she's a worship leader, and an artist like myself. She calls me her twin, just 12 years behind. :) We talked on the phone for hours yesterday about this very topic. The ideas have been narrowed down and simplified for me, after spending time with her in conversation and then in Prayer afterwards with Jesus.

It comes down to this: When wanting to be one of the ten "ready virgins", having a full lamp of oil is from spending time with the Lord, He is my life, He is how I am "ready". Also, to take more seriously the "What is that in your hand?" question. My focus right now, is to finish the things I have started. Work on projects I know need to be sold, and also read the last 3rd of a few great books I've started! (And find a job!!!) Haha. It may take some time... it WILL take some time, but God is patient :).

SIMPLIFY!!!!!! SIMPLIFY!!!!!!!

For now, I need to get moving on some practical things as well as finishing these art projects. I feel change in the air, or perhaps I'm still in the semester time-frame habit of things :) ... So pray with me as I look for what God has, living and job-wise... I really don't want anything else. Pray that the voices around that are so loud, are silenced and His direction is clear.

Simplifying Our Goals... 10, 5, 2...

       Was reading this morning in Matthew 25, a string of parables describing the Kingdom of Heaven that Jesus used to call our attention to our "readiness" and how we are living our lives... right now...

       He starts off with the analogy of the 10 virgins: 5 were wise, the other 5 not so much. The 5 wise had oil for their lamps and so when the Bridegroom came, they were let into the wedding (their own wedding). The other 5 had to run and buy more oil and were left pounding on the locked door of the feast with their fists, feeling stupid and disappointed. So, all of us listening to this charismatic, smiling Jesus, wanting only to please Him and be like Him, say how? How do I make sure I'm ready? I don't really want to be one of the five lonely stupid ones...

 Much to our delight, He explains further. A landowner has three servants and leaves 5 talents with one, two with the other, and one with the last. The guy with 5, takes it and invests it, works with it and makes 5 more. The next guy, does the same with his two. The last guy, is scared and thinks he can outsmart the landowners uncanny ways of getting things done - so he buries it, does nothing with it out of fear. 

The landowner comes back. He's happy with the first two, and blesses them with more. However, as you may have guessed, he is pretty angry at the next guy and sends him where the foolish servants go, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth?!?!! Say WHAT?! The Bible straight up calls this guy a worthless servant! At this point in reading, I crack my back and squint my eyes -I'm a little bit nervous.  I just want to make sure that I'm not this dude; I don't want to be unprepared and I don't want to be "worthless". Agh! How do I NOT be this guy?!

So, now Jesus narrows it down again and there are only two options. This is where He talks about the sheep and the goats. All of a sudden light is dispelled every where, His diaphanous and easy yoke is all that remains on our shoulders, and we are not condemned. Those who have fed the hungry, given water to the thirsty, welcomed in the strangers, visited the sick, visited those in prison, those are the ones He knows, and welcomes them into His kingdom. These are the wise virgins, these are the good stewards. It all comes down to His easy yoke, His greatest commandment, loving God with everything and loving our neighbor with everything. Who is our neighbor? Those that society says are dirt, those we are framed to believe are our enemy.  While this is a deep sigh of relief it is also a call to continuous action. We may have done this before, but being ready may mean we continue to do so.

As I was reading this, I was challenged to answer the good ole' Moses question: What is that in your hand? What do I have? My whole day has been messed up. My whole mind is reeling with ideation and desire. How can I use these talents, these resources, what I have right now... and make them grow, make more out of it. The earthly pressure of "big ideas" is suddenly lifted when we are reminded that our goal is to love and obey God and in turn love others as Jesus did. They seem unrelated to me at times, worshipping God, visiting someone who is sick and making a book cover or a painting... but they are not. Luckily, we are not expected to be perfect and understand it all. Christ's sacrifice on the cross has paid it all -He is our righteousness.

 Today it has been my thought process to ask how? How my love for God and my gift and talents can all work together. and what decisions am I to make today to thrive in this principle? Investing my talents? Walking in obedience? Loving my neighbor... 

So maybe as I am on the journey of growing and investing in my literal talents, I will be on the road with people that I can love, feed, and visit. Perhaps I can use my gifts to put me around hurting and hungry people, use my gifts to love... to feed the soul. 

THEN- seeing as the idea of my life has been to slow down and simplify, I can feel my artist-mind getting filled with ideas, but if I followed through on all of them immediately, I'd be right where I started: a busy and scattered mess. So to proceed passionately, and strategically.... this is what I am praying about. 

What do you want from me, God?!

Anyway- I have come to no grand conclusion, but I did want to blog today, and this is what was on my mind. If you have made it to the end of this long blog I congratulate you on your attention span! Thanks for all of the feed back - email me thoughts. I love you all. 

PS-(This whole putting my thoughts in public thing is still a strange feeling for me... but some how I have a feeling it has to do with not burying coins and I'm trying to just go with it. :)  Thanks for the support!

Change of plans!

So...

My car broke down, down, down, down --yesterday. I'll be at the cabin until Thursday. A little extra break time never hurt anyone. Can't help but feel like God is up to something over here :)

Please pray with me for provision, and also for direction upon my return. Is it still rest time? Job time? For now, it seems when I am moving to other things, He is closing doors.  The good news is that He already promised provision and He already promised direction, so my heart is not afraid- and the prayers of a righteous man or woman profits much! So pray with me!!! My job is to wait patiently... and move ahead if little opportunities arise. I'm still smiling and rolling with the punches!

When I get back, I will be working on two paintings for some friend/clients, and I guess I can start with that.

I'm really excited to see where the Lord takes me next, hoping for a season of settling into myself a little bit more- and having some fun! Looking around at where He has me right now is a season of its own and I'm delighted by that. I hope not to miss a thing.

I may head down to the lake today.

Jess

I love you!

Hey All,


Thanks to so many of you who have been telling me you're reading all of my blogs. It means a whole lot, and I have so many more supporters than I expected... I had one of those perspective nights tonight. The kind that go down in your heart's history for good... So, I just wanted to tell you all that I love you. I love the gifts and hearts you've all been given. Go do what's in your heart to do! No time for all this waiting to be perfect stuff. We really do only have today.


He lived for that.


<3
J

Sunday

So, I prayed yesterday that I would be able to meet people or a person to have lunch with today... Sundays are meant for eating with people I feel, even in a week of solitude :). Expecting to meet some random "young people" at church ... I was wrong, and pleasantly surprised. 
Sometimes God answers prayers in ways that you just can't make up:


I visited a local church today, a pleasant service however no one my age was to be seen... anywhere...and no random families i knew from someone who knew someone. But I was kind of TOTALLY ok with that..and ready to head home and relax. As I pulled out I saw two backpackers crossing the busy main road (not like york road, or Ridge pike... more like a mini high way with a walmart) Not thinking of lunch plans at all.... just assuming they came from the near by mountains and would love a place to shower, I pulled out and made a U-turn. I had to get gas so I pulled in to the station near where they were and guess who was walking in at the same time as me. Nicole. :)


 I am always intrigued by other people's outdoor adventures so I asked her (looking as though I hadn't set foot in the outdoors in my life being that I was wearing a pink dress with a little flower on it and a white sweater [have YOU ever seen me in a pink dress??? exactly.] hilarious) "Dude did you guys backpack here?!" The answer was Yes, from Nevada! Hitchhiking there way to a festival in NH. WOW. So, they came over the house, took showers and ate lunch. We had a great time, shared food, stories and ideas...and made new friends. They even met my dear friend Nathan from Colorado (via Skype) and then I took them back. 


And that's how I met Ethan and Nicole -- my unexpected lunch buddies. HI GUYS!!!


The next time you find a couple strangers showering/eating in your house...check your calendar-- it's probably Sunday, no one should be alone on Sunday unless they wanna be :-)


Planted by water
J

Solo Kayaking: Strongly Recommended :)

Best hour of silence I could have asked for

(At night: chillin and playing while it simmers (A new coconut curry recipe. wow!)

(Drove to the highest resort hotel and stole their  sunset view. This picture does %0 justice... it was amazing.)

The Cabin

Family and Friends, 

I'm sure its been confusing if you're checking in looking for pictures of the farm... As it happens, plans have changed a bit and it's very clear I'm not to make a big move just yet, even for the summer. While I am housesitting in PA this week, home base is Baltimore... at least for today :) I'm literally taking it one day at a time, trying my best to be open to whatever He has. That's the update! 

for now... 

THE CABIN:

My little kayaking adventure (more on that in the next post)

THIS WEEK I have been housesitting at a cabin home of dear family friends of ours. It has been a dream come true. I am so so grateful to them for needing a dog sitter and being so hospitable. Only God knew how much I needed this! I prayed that each day of this week would go by slowly and last a loooong time, and my prayers have sure been answered. I arrived here tuesday night, and my wonderful activities (or festivities??) have already included X-Men (loved it!), reading, tanning in the sun, reading, dancing, praying, stargazing, I made the best batch of granola I have ever concocted, went on my first solo kayaking adventure, saw my friend from MN (the one with the farm), watched movies, played guitar, exercise... lots of journaling....and of course... sleeping. :) 

God has been so so good, and we've had some interesting conversations this week. His love for us is immense... He knows me well enough to know that a lake house in the mountains is more personal to me and meaningful than even a condo in hawaii (call me crazy!), not that I'd fight that ;), but this is just more me. It's perfect. Cabin, dogs, lakes, mountains, music, good coffee, good food. deal. And here, He is letting me slowly learn to know Him and trust Him in a new way... it's certainly a process. But a great one! 

I guess the encouraging word I would leave you with is that God really does have good in store for you. And, today is part of that, even if it doesn't feel like it. The blind man in the Bible comes to mind, the one who wasn't blind because he did anything wrong but so God could be glorified. I'm starting to see that the difference between knowledge and understanding is experience. I cannot know and understand Him as Healer ---until I need healing. So then, perhaps my pain was allowed so that His character could be magnified in my life, and in those around me. Then we can know Him better... Isn't that why we're here?

Where I eat breakfast every morning! :)

I am hesitant to say it, for fear that the words themselves would shatter it like glass -it feels new and fragile yet... But I haven't been this peaceful and happy in a long time. I'm so content. Healing is real, at all stages of it. He is so good, and He promises to restore... if only we will listen when He bids us to  rest... to simplify and be ok with focusing on what matters at the moment. 

HE LOVES US!!!!!! He is the Good, the ENEMY is the condemning, bitter god we create in our minds. The Word says He is abounding in Love and slow to anger. :) 

Planted by water,

Jess

Discipline of Rest

          Last weekend I went with a friend to her uncles cabin, a beautiful vintage 10 room hotel, converted into a weekend home. Just by the water, or "crik" as they say 'round these parts. The house stood in the middle of the mountains. No cell phone reception, no city sounds, clear nights layers and layers deep with stars; this place was lovely. 


          Friday night we talked to her family for a while, and of course, as every one does at one in the morning after a long drive, we lit huge fireworks. Then, we went off to bed. I awoke to the sound of an AK47 firing into the hills, right off of our back porch.  I'm not very used to that, but it was great! The sun waited for no one's permission to start beating down hard- we could tell it was gonna be a warm day. I decided to hit the trail before breakfast, avoiding the worst of it, and go for a run. Take a deep breath with me.... sigh.... and picture a creek with two PA-sized mountains on the other side, covered in green. They intersected like the two hills in the Lion Witch and the Wardrobe (gosh, must everything be Narnia? Yes.) I couldn't help but chuckle and think "myyyy house, is betweeeen those hills" (that's a little shout out to my siblings) as I caught up to the trail head. Trees lined either side at first and kind of arched over it like a canopy. Take another deep breath..... Enter into green. Wooded now, on one side, a road on the other. As you get further in, you cross over the road, then the trail widens and it's just you, the "crik" and the woods. 


           Entering this scene made me smile uncontrollably. Which would have been fine, except I forgot my headphones that day, and I was borrowing someones "got-these-for-christ-mas" pink ear muff headphones. I looked like I had been let out from somewhere for the day, earmuffs in 90 degrees and smiling like I knew something everyone else didn't know. Haha! Anyways, being that God still loves me even when I look like that, I heard from Him very clearly that morning. 


          As I ran I lost track of distance. I was pretty sure I passed the two mile mark, and thought about turning around. It was getting too warm to do any more than 4 miles. This is the point at which my initial instinct is to push one more mile and beast it. Instead, I just felt as thought someone put their hands on my shoulders and slowed me down- rest, Jessy, rest!  
"But God," I argued "I have this whole break and I want to learn more discipline"
I felt the hands on my shoulders again, like a stern father "Rest IS a discipline!" 


It hit me like a ton of bricks. For someone like me in the habit of pushing further, running more, being busier, being more productive...learning to rest ...... requires discipline. Teach me about this my heart silently prayed. And I kid you not, I looked up and saw patch of sunlight shining through the trees on a little bench by the water. And, like any girl in a good Academy Award winning film, I took a seat and a deep breath and looked around. It is cliche, I'm sorry, but when I move too fast I really do miss the view. The hills were breath taking and the water flowed steadily down stream, making mini waves and ripples light shone here and there, and a breeze played with my hair. Little violets grew where my feet were. Chipmunks let their tails carry them through the air as the bounded past the trail. An occasional splash could be heard from a fish jumping out of the water... 


Isn't rest selfish though, I thought. Like, what if they're wondering where I am. And I came to visit and I'm not there... I don't know why I wanted to argue the wonderful command to take a breather, maybe I just wanted reassurance that it really is ok... 


Rest isn't selfishness, rest is gratefulness... 


Another ton of bricks hit my mind as the idea occurred to me. I'm often moving so fast trying to be "unselfish" when in fact I am missing a key component to serving the Lord. Gratefulness. Actually, isn't serving our Lord one big act of gratefulness?? I feel like I'm only scratching the surface of a life long lesson. Rest is taking the time to look around and notice. Noticing all that I have been given, soaking in what I so often miss and saying Thank You for this, for all of this ... there is so much.


I guess that's what taking a Sabbath is; it's being the one leper that came back. It's taking a big sigh and falling to the ground and in all of our healthy weekly fatigue saying "thank you..." --- 


This reminds me of one more thought that I will leave you with: God often speaks to me on morning runs. And on another run before I moved, I felt the Lord bring to my attention that REST, is from the word RESTORATION. Don't think about a tacky sermon application here... think about etymology... rest is short for being restored... it's a nickname. :) So when you pray for restoration and He asks you to slow down... it's an answer to your prayer :)


"[And] after you have suffered a little while will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast" (1Pete5:10) ...meaning, He will make us rest..."He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul"
_______________________________________________________

All my love, take it easy. 

Planted by water, 

Jessy

_______________________________________________________

This reminds me of a book that helped me begin this journey back in April. One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It's about stopping in the moment, and being grateful when we ARE busy. To seek out beauty and live lives of gratefulness, living fully- today. Check it out, along with her photos and blog. One Thousand Gifts

Rest- a women's devotional

Perfect!!!! Check this out
Read June 2, 2011 (today's post) "Should I Quit"

Should I Quit?

An Honest Post

I'm sitting in a pile of scraps and wet brushes and unfinished book pieces...not sure how to feel. What used to take me 1 or 2 sittings to complete now takes 3, 4, or 5. It's a fun project worth the time, and it's not the books I'm worried about. 


Today started with no alarm, just the sun coming in round the edges of the curtains and baking my once cool body under the blankets. My eyes opened slowly and my throat felt like the size of a baseball. I couldn't say anything... so I didn't.  A quiet morning and a trip to the clinic. I think my first words of the day were, "Do you take uninsured?". Not strep, just upper respiratory-ouch and sleepy. A day on the couch, and a tired bit on the piano. Forced to rest, exhausted by any attempt to the contrary. With the RI trip cancelled, CT trip cancelled... my "plans" are changing everyday, and I'm just going along for the ride. It's like a flight...happily not in control, sitting back, but unpleasantly unaware of the planes intentions to land, when, where and in what condition?


Rest, and let Me work. Rest... begs He.


Resting...though it is my goal at the moment, frustrated me today. I couldn't figure why until now. When it comes down to it, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of losing control, losing my love of discipline, losing my strict boundaries on food, exercise, or losing purposefulness, productivity, social interactions of all types, mentoring, being mentored. It sounds dramatic, but when I go from all to nothing it seems like everything could just disappear. I have to relax my mind as well as my body, and that frightens me. I guess I am feeling the effects of saying bye-bye to a habit: the habit of striving. The habit of always having to be productive, the habit of being rigid and hard on myself,---I thought my value came from productivity and letting go makes me afraid of losing myself. Christian cliche's and even scriptures are running through my head a million miles per minute in response to my own sentiments. If I lose my life I'll find it, sure. But that's scary! Let's be real! Lose it and find what?! ... *Sigh* That is the journey, I suppose, is it not? To let myself be rid of my own "make myself good enough tactics" and be formed by the desires of the heart of my Father, and not my fear of His rejection. Is this where I find my Life? 


On the way home from the redbox tonight I pulled over and watched the sunset. It was a brilliant pink, a fan of rays spraying in every direction like a child's drawing of sunlight. Each ray weaving in an out between puffs of clouds that looked like they had pulsed from a steam train in perfect morse code. The breeze was wonderful and the sun smoldered, a deeper fiery magenta with each moment as it exhaled towards the horizon. This is worth it; learning to slow down again... 
I have been praying for God to bring back to life, to give feeling to the soul of mine that had numbed itself to survive hurtful words and disappointments. But in order to feel, I have to open my soul, and let it breathe. 


If I saw child-Jessy standing on the curb beside my car, I'd see a faith filled little ball of energy who wouldn't be dragged away from the sunset if you paid her.  Twenty-two year old Jessy looks with weary eyes towards the beautiful shifting light, reaches into her soul and finds only child-words: words like a velveteen rabbit longing to be real. 


"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. 
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 
"When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."


Make me real, make me feel. 
Even though it hurts. 

^{Psalm 34}

³ Glorify the LORD with me; 

   let us exalt his name together.

⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me; 

   he delivered me from all my fears. 

⁵ Those who look to him are radiant; 

   their faces are never covered with shame. 

⁶ This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; 

   he saved him out of all his troubles. 

⁷ The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, 

   and he delivers them.

The book supplies must be cleaned up now. The title of this new one is "The Silent Reading Hour" and it has quiet houses by the water on it. A perfectly timed reminder -and i have no choice but to be silent for a few days because it hurts to talk! haha! Maybe I'll put a little rabbit inside to remind me that silence, rest, is part of becoming real. : ) 

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."